The Way to Love
by TheShippyQueen
Summary: A brief look at the seven types of love Anna Smith faces in her life. A mixture of love and angst with some possible series 2 speculations in later chapters!
1. FAMILY LOVE

_A/N: A brief look at the seven types of love Anna Smith faces in her life._

Family Love

Anna hears her parents talking late one night from the safety of the bedroom she shares with her three sisters.

"…Bess, you know we can't manage."

"But, she's too young; she's a child, a baby! Can't we manage? At least for another year?"

"We barely had enough money for the rent this month, if the sheep don't sell for a good price, we won't be able to afford next month and if we can't pay..."

"I know, I know."

"I don't want to her to go; God knows it kills me to know I can't keep my family….but, what else can we do? She'll earn enough money to help cover the rent."

"She's thirteen!"

"Anna's a clever girl….she'll do fine."

"I know. It's just…"

At this point, Anna hears her mum break down and begin to cry, in her room, holding her breath; she feels the tears threaten to fall. She listens as her father tries to comfort her mother and she knows that despite being scared to death, she has to leave home.

Anna isn't daft; she knows her parents are struggling. With six children to feed, money has always been an issue, but after three poor harvests and a fall in the price of sheep, money is almost non-existent. There are two choices, either the family fails and they lose their home or Anna leaves and goes into service. One less mouth to feed and her wage coming in could make all the difference.

She's terrified, she loves her home, loves her family more than anything else in the world and the thought of leaving it behind makes her want to burst into tears. But, this love for her family is the one thing keeping her strong. As the eldest child, she has to do this; she can't be a strain on her family any longer.

It's this love that forces her to move, forces her down the stairs, head held high to face her parents.

"I'll go," she says simply. "I'll go work up at the big house and I'll send all my wage 'ome."

Her mother has her wrapped in her arms before she even knows what's happening and her father pats her head tenderly.

"We love you," her mother whispers into her hair.

"I know," Anna replies, "that's why I'm doin' it. Because I love you too."


	2. FIRST LOVE

First Love

The first time Anna falls in love is the first time she gets her heart broken.

His name is Johnny Draper, son of a local farmer and she thinks he is the most beautiful thing she's ever seen. She could look at his dark blonde curls and his deep green eyes all day; she is truly besotted by him. She thinks he feels the same for her.

They spend the summer together, every day exploring the fields and surrounding countryside, not returning home until the sun sets. The thing she enjoys the most is the laughter, the true laughter and fun they have together and every night, she falls asleep and dreams only of him and how one day, she will marry Johnny Draper.

It's on one of these days that everything goes wrong. Johnny thinks it would be fun to climb the great oak tree in the village green and see who can reach the top first. Anna, not a great climber, is unsure, but Johnny is persuasive. Soon, she is halfway up the tree, chasing Johnny as fast as her arms and legs will let her. But, she isn't as strong as she originally thought and misses the branch, tumbling the great distance to the ground.

She lands badly, banging her head as she falls, her arm broken. The blacksmith carries her home to her shocked parents and she is forbidden from going out until her arm has healed.

Johnny doesn't visit her.

Her sister tells her that he's now spending his days with Sarah Darlington, that they've kissed by the wishing well and that he wants to marry Sarah when he's old enough.

Anna cries for three days, Johnny Draper didn't just break her arm, he broke her heart too.


	3. ONE SIDED LOVE

One-sided love

Anna loves Lady Mary's hair. Of all the Crawley girls, Mary's is the most beautiful. Long, dark and shiny, Anna loves the way the hair seems to shimmer in the dim light of her bedroom. Brushing Lady Mary's hair, Anna thinks how lucky Mary is to have such hair, Lady Sybil's is wild and requires much taming and is nowhere near as soft as Mary's. Poor Lady Edith has thin hair that takes much styling and even then never seems to do as it is told. It really is unfortunate for Edith, but then, Anna knows that Edith has always been the least favoured of the girls.

Styling Lady Mary's hair is her favourite task of the day, she loves the soft texture and the way it seemingly styles itself, it takes so little effort to make it look stunning. Anna is truly in awe of it. Letting down her own hair each night, she wonders what she would look like with long, dark hair. Brushing her own smooth, blonde hair, she thinks admiringly of Lady Mary's hair and how she wishes she could have hair like that. How she wishes she could have coffee coloured hair that waves and shimmers so naturally.

Years later, when scandal and lies have ruined Lady Mary forever, Anna realises that she may always love and admire Lady Mary's hair but it's the only thing about her she does admire. As Anna's husband brushes her hair, full of admiration for her blonde locks, she realises that actually, her hair is pretty perfect after all.


	4. ROMANTIC LOVE

_A/N: A nod to one of my favourite S1 scenes!_

IV. ROMANTIC LOVE

It's just a dinner tray, that's all. Nothing more.

He may have gone to great lengths to prepare her a tray whilst she lay in bed with a cold. He may have struggled up the stairs, cane in one hand, tray balancing precariously in the other to deliver it in person. He may have called her from her bed, coaxed her to the forbidden door, encouraged her to unlock it just to hand it to her with a soft smile. He may have stood and gazed at her longer than was necessary, but that didn't really mean anything, did it?

It's just a dinner tray, that's all. Nothing more.

There's no hidden meaning behind the neatly presented tray, filled with more food than she'd ever need. There are no lingering sentiments hidden beneath the neatly folded napkin and the carefully wrapped bread roll. And there's certainly no declaration of love attached to the small vase of flowers carefully picked from the secret garden.

It's just a dinner tray. That's all. Nothing more.

But, to Anna, it's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her. It might just be a dinner tray, but it's the moment she realises that not only is she very well taken care of, but she's also falling in love with John Bates.

It's not just a dinner tray.


	5. INTENSE LOVE

_A/N: OK…so this is slightly different….and, slightly naughty. It's a tip of the cap to the S2 spoilers/speculations that are floating about. I doubt this chapter is a spoiler, but you never know! I reckon this is more wishful thinking on my behalf! xx_

**INTENSE/LUSTFUL LOVE**

The wind howls around the house, whispering through cracks and rattling at the window panes. The rain pours down, great torrents of water that seem endless and the wind lashes it violently against the window.

As Anna creeps along the corridor the intense weather outside drowns out the sound of her footfall, and keeps secret the thudding of her heart as she makes her way to his room. It's dangerous, incredibly so, but she can't deny herself any longer, she can't ignore the intensity of her feelings.

He opens the door before she even knocks, their connection so deep that no words are even spoken. He's dressed casually in just his vest and trousers, she in only her nightdress. He steps aside to let her in and as the door closes behind her they both realise that they are now alone.

A raised eyebrow from him and a shy nod from her, and the deal is almost sealed. She moves into his arms, melting against him, her heart pounding into her ears. He envelopes her with big hands that snake around her waist and up her back. She lifts her head and he lowers his mouth to hers, a slow kiss that becomes deeper and more passionate with every passing moment. His hand moves further upwards until it laces itself in her hair and as they continue to kiss, his fingers carefully fumble for a moment and then gently pulls at the pins holding her hair in place. The pins tumble to the ground, her hair following until it cascades around her shoulders in glossy, blonde waves.

His hand grabs her hair and holds her firmly in place as he deepens the kiss, his tongue teasing her lips apart. This is the first time they've been so intense with each other and they're both balancing dangerously close to the forbidden boundary. He moves his kisses down her neck and she sighs softly, her arms wrapping wantonly about his neck as her head falls backwards, eyes closed.

She arches against him, her hips pressing firmly against him. His response is quick and unmistakable and he lets out a low moan against her neck. Her hips continue to move against him as he turns his attentions back to her mouth. She responds by letting him in, her tongue meeting his in a sensual dance, her hips still rubbing against him in slow, rhythmic movements, encouraging him, teasing him.

He can't take much more and murmurs, "Are you sure?"

"I am…I need you, John."

"God, Anna," he groans, dropping his head to her shoulder as he takes a few steadying breaths. "I need you, too."

He guides them to his bed and encourages her to lie down, once she is settled and looking up at him expectantly, he lays at her side and they quickly resume kissing.

"I love you," he says, his voice low, eyes dark. His hand slides up and down her side, grazing tantalisingly at her breast with each stroke. He dips a kiss onto her collarbone as his hand rests lightly on her waist.

"I love you too," she answers, her voice a mere gasp, her back arching up against him.

"Do you trust me?" he asks, lifting his head to study her face.

"Of course!" she replies, eyes widening. She props herself up and kisses him softly, "I trust you."

He smiles back and she relaxes back against the bed as his hand starts to move once more, slowly gliding across her stomach and then gently upwards. He lowers his mouth to her breast and she sharply sucks in her breath as his tongue runs across the peak. Her nightgown has moved upwards and is now bunched at her hips as she writhes with pleasure. His hand moves down to the hem of her nightgown and he quickly does the honour of removing it entirely.

From there on, everything happens quickly, his own clothes join hers on the bedroom floor, their kisses quickly becoming frantic and urgent as years of pent up sexual tension, lust and desire finally explode between them. Right there, on his bed, he takes her virginity in a moment of lust fuelled madness. It's intense and frantic and they both have to stifle their cries to avoid detection as they reach the peak of pleasure. It's been a long time coming and by no means ideal, he's still married and they are both in service, but as she stands up and rearranges her hair and slips her nightdress back over her head, her legs still trembling from her first sexual experience, she has no regrets.

She smiles at him, no hint of embarrassment and he grins back as he pulls his trousers back on. Standing up he holds out his arms to her and she steps once more back into his embrace, with his kisses raining lightly against her hair, she asks, "Alright?"

"I'm more than alright," he replies as she looks up at him, resting her chin against his chest.

This love she feels for him is so intense, it's what keeps her going through each obstacle that they face. It doesn't matter that he's married, or that they are in service, she loves him so deeply that she'll accept anything life throws at them. She'll give him everything and do anything for him; her love really is that intense.


	6. DOOMED LOVE

_A/N: A salute to that pesky leaked clip from the S2 trailer. xx_

**DOOMED LOVE**

She'd known all along it couldn't last. She'd heard the doubt in his voice whenever he spoke to her. At first she'd been able to tell herself that she was wrong, that she couldn't hear that tinge of doubt, that he was truly dedicated to her and their blossoming romance.

She'd known; deep down, that it wouldn't last. She'd felt it growing with each and every kiss. Foolishly she'd ignored it, pushed it to the back of her mind and tried desperately to lock it away, as if forgetting about it wouldn't make it any more real.

She'd seen it in his gaze, seen that it wasn't always going to be happiness and romance. Every time he looked at her, she'd seen the truth displayed in his eyes; she just chose not to see it.

She'd understood –strangely- that it would come to an end. She'd known all along that the old John Bates would never let him be, that the shackles of his past would keep him at a distance from her, that the ghosts of yesteryear would haunt him until he broke. Somehow she had known it.

Yet, the pain she felt when he told her it could never be. The anguish she had experienced when he asked her to forget about him and be happy. The despair that consumed her when he walked away….it was beyond anything she'd ever imagined.

Their love could never be, he was married and the past unforgiving. It could never be, he'd told her so, and yet she still couldn't quite accept it. Standing alone in the yard, hand rubbing at her swollen, tear stained eyes, her heart breaking into a million pieces, she sobbed out her despair. She couldn't quite believe that it was over, that he would end it just like that, walk away from her and what they had.

Yet somehow, she'd known all along that he would. But it didn't mean that she'd accept it.


	7. TRUE LOVE

_A/N: Alright, so this is not a drabble. This is me indulging myself as there is nothing more adorable (IMO) than Daddy!Bates! If this was a road, it would be a by-pass, as it goes a little out of the way, but always ends up back where you want it to eventually! So, if you want the drabble-y bit, scoot on down to the last few paragraphs, if you're in for the full ride, then read on! Thank you for taking the time to read and review…it makes me smile! xxx_

**TRUE LOVE** (But not necessarily perfect.)

"Now, you need to watch me carefully, George. You need to make a loop with this lace, see? Then, wrap the other lace around the loop, like that. Now, push this lace through the gap…."

It's a happy scene; a father sitting with his young son nestled into the crook of his arm as he tries to show him how to tie his shoelaces. It's a familiar sight in the Bates household, John spending time teaching his children important lessons, no matter how old or young they are. George is only three, too young to learn how to tie a shoelace, or so Anna says, but John is adamant that the boy will learn it.

"Do you want to have a go?" he asks his son.

George, fed up with this lesson wriggles and turns around on his father's lap, "No! Daddy do it!" he cries as he bounces himself excitedly up and down. John laughs and indulges his son by holding him under his arms and bouncing the boy higher and higher as he squeals with delight until he collapses against his dad's chest for a long cuddle. An affectionate child, George is never short on offering kisses and cuddles to his parents, as the youngest, he revels in the attention and returns it with abundance.

At the table, Harry is playing with his toy soldiers. A much quieter boy, he prefers to spend his time playing with his toys, making up his own little worlds and games, losing himself to his own imagination.

"Daddy, the King's army are at war again!" he says, soldier in hand as he turns to speak to his father.

"Really? Who are we fighting now?" John asks, smiling warmly back at the five year old boy.

Harry sighs dramatically and scratches at his mop of dark hair, "The Germans!"

"Again?" John questions with a raised eyebrow, a smile lurking on his lips.

"Yes, but we'll win…the King always wins," Harry replies and turns back to his own little world.

"Higher, daddy!" George demands. Cuddles over, he's eager to start bouncing again and his excitement is plain on his face.

"You'll be ill!" John laughs but indulges his youngest anyway.

The front door bursts open and seven year old Connie breezes in, pink cheeked, her long blonde hair askew and skipping rope in hand. She throws her rope onto the nearest chair and grabs at the book she'd left there earlier and plonks herself into the window seat and starts to read.

"Finished skipping?" John asks, grinning at the sight of his eldest reading her book.

Barely looking up, she replies, "Yes….Hazel had to go home and it was starting to rain. Daddy, I can't read this word…"

"Bring it here and show me," John says and Connie quickly slides off the window seat to join him at his side. She points to the word, "Well, break it into smaller pieces," he suggests.

"U-un-und-under-s-sta-stand-a-ab-le," she frowns in a way that reminds him so much of Anna.

"Put it together now."

"Under…understand-able. Understandable?" Connie asks, triumph bright in her eyes.

"Well done!" John says, pride thick in his voice. Connie is a clever girl; she reads constantly and devours knowledge with gusto, a trait she has inherited from her father.

A noise from the kitchen doorway makes him look up and he sees Anna, heavily pregnant, carrying a great basket of washing. She looks tired and flustered as she awkwardly carries the washing into the room.

In a flash he deposits George onto the floor and is out of his chair, staggering a little as his knee threatens to give way.

"Anna! What do you think you're doing?" he scolds, rushing to her side and prising the basket from her hands.

She sighs wearily and relinquishes the basket into his arms, "I'm trying to get all this washing done," she answers testily, the final days of pregnancy taking their toll on her patience.

"You should be resting, the baby is due any day now!" he scolds further, putting the basket down and taking her arm. "Sit!"

"John, I'm pregnant, not an invalid," she sighs, though doesn't protest as he leads her to the nearest chair. She groans a little as she settles herself and rubs one hand absently across her swollen belly.

"I'll sort the washing out," he says firmly, "Connie, come and give me a hand with this." Connie obediently responds, book abandoned, she joins her dad in sorting through the great pile of washing.

George, meanwhile, has joined his brother at the table and his little hands have taken hold of his brother's soldiers, wanting to join in with the game. Harry is not for playing with his brother and tries to wrestle the toys out of his hands. George begins to cry; frustrated that Harry won't let him play.

"I want to play!" George wails, desperately clinging onto the prized toys.

"They're mine! You can't play!" Harry shouts, prising the small soldiers out of George's hands.

"Harry, don't shout," John scolds as he tangles himself in a large sheet, much to Connie's amusement.

"Harry, let him play," Anna says, turning to face her two boys.

"But he didn't ask!" Harry cries indignantly as George wails louder.

"George, ask your brother nicely if you can play," Anna suggests as George sniffles and sobs.

"Please can I play?" George asks between great shuddery sobs.

Harry reluctantly relents and for a few moments, peace resumes. John and Connie working together at folding sheets whilst Connie chatters incessantly about anything and everything, her topics changing so fast that neither John nor Anna can keep up. The two boys are playing happily and Anna is resting in the chair by the fire. Peace, however, never lasts long.

"George! That's not where the King should be!" Harry cries furiously, and tries once again to snatch the toy back from his younger brother.

"Boys!" John warns as they tussle again.

George bursts into tears again as Harry takes the toy away and he slides off the chair, sobbing and rubbing at his eyes. Anna reaches out and takes his arm, guiding him towards her.

"Come here," she soothes, half dragging him onto her lap. George's sobs soften as he nestles himself against her. It takes longer for him to find a comfortable spot, her extended stomach takes up so much room now that even little George finds cuddling up to her a challenge. Finally settled she holds him close and kisses the soft, blonde curls on the top of his head and looking up, meets John's gaze.

He's smiling at her with such love and affection, the smile so deep that words are not needed. She knows he loves her with all his heart. They may not have had the best start together but things have worked out in the end. He may have loved her, broken her heart and loved her again, but Anna reasons that love isn't meant to be easy. It's all about the ups and downs and the highs and lows and they've had plenty of those. What's important is that you deal with them together and you never forget how much you love each other.

She may be worrying about how another baby will affect them, how another mouth to feed will put extra strain on their already tight finances. She may worry (foolishly) that after delivering four babies, John may not find her attractive anymore, even though she's still admirably trim and her face still fresh looking for her age.

There may be times when, after a long and hectic day, she's too tired to do anything except fall asleep in their marital bed and there may be times when he gets up in the morning in a bad mood after too few hours of sleep. But they always find time to talk, sometimes it's before they fall asleep, sometimes it's a snatched moment when the children are napping, and sometimes, words aren't even needed, just a look that confirms to each other that everything is alright.

And there are often times when they both find themselves neither too tired nor too grumpy to make love to each other. It's times like these, choking back giggles and stifling their cries so as not to wake the children that they show each other just how much they are still in love.

Anna knows this is true love and true love isn't perfect. It's full of ups and down and highs and lows, and it's these imperfections that actually make it perfect.


End file.
